Monday, April 2, 2012

This is how tall tales begin. I'm happy to contribute to this one.

I have a feeling before the season is out, Met fans will be writing stories about Lucas Duda in the same vein as those Chuck Norris "accomplishments". Mets 360 gets things started:

"Duda was born in Fontana, California on February 3, 1986. He attended Arlington High School in Riverside, California. His high school coaches knew they had something special in the 6’4 gawky youth with hope in his eyes and hunger in his heart. He grew into the hulking man he did eating nothing but rhubarb and a special blend of protein shakes mixed with the tears of a unicorn."

"Duda began the 2010 season with the Double-A Binghamton Mets and was promoted to the Triple-A Buffalo Bisons on June 14. While in Buffalo, Duda homered in five consecutive games, tying a Bisons record and earning a supporting actor nomination for being the inspiration for George Clooney’s entire acting career. In 70 games for Buffalo, Duda hit 17 home runs, 2 triples, 23 doubles, and had 53 runs batted in, while compiling a .314 batting average and winning several underground fighting tournaments run by the Yakuza crime family. At the end of the season, the Bisons named him their Most Valuable Player and presented him with a gold plated AK-47."

Did I mention that the Mets couldn't afford to build the new wall at CitiField so Lucas Duda personally clubbed enough balls off the wall to scare it into moving in 14 to 17 feet? The wall trembled from so much fear of being pelted by Duda's shots that it turned Mets blue on its own.

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